Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know that you are very busy and that you are probably cold right now cause you're in the North Pole and I've been a good boy this year. You get lots of letters and maybe they get lost cause Mrs. Clause hasn't got time to clean up after you all the time, so I'm putting my wish list over at Amazon.com and even though I'm not home right now I know you have your ways of finding out how to get here and my apartment doesn't have a chimney so it's okay if you use the mail.

Say hello to Rudolf for me.

Jason

Lost in LOST

Every one I know who watches LOST has a theory about what's going on, including me. Here's the theory that I emailed into Jay and Jack at lostpodcast@gmail.com.

This is going to require too much to phone in with; I hope you read it because I noticed that you don't read a lot of emails on your podcast. I've been listening to your show for just this season, so if this theory has surfaced before, I apologize. However, I've been checking around and haven't seen this spelled out before and in the episodes that I have listened to this season, I have problems with both the theories and the "crackpot" theories that I hear--they all either have some flaw that can't account for the time gaps and/or plane crash or they require a suspension of the basic theories that are the fabric of our existence.

I have a theory, though, that I have been chewing on for awhile and I think it's pretty sound--I say pretty because there is one scene in the past three years that might throw a bit of a wrench... but first the theory.

There was no plane crash. There is no island. Every one is safe and sound in Sydney Australia, but if they aren't...say they're in LA, that doesn't ruin my theory.

What is going on is that these people are in a Long term deep hypnotic group therapy session.

Here's my supporting evidence: (and I'm sure there's more)

1. People not only survived, but walked away from a an airplane crash--an airplane that was travelling at 500 miles per hour at 40,000 feet. Sorry, but that's not going to happen. One survivor in a million--maybe. 40 or more--fuggidaboudit.

2. Every single main character has significant issues that should be addressed in therapy:

• *Sayid has tortured people including his own superior officers, lost the woman he loved, and lived as a soldier through a traumatic war
• *Claire is pregnant, lost her fiancee (or husband) and was facing the trauma of giving up her baby for adoption
• *Jack lost his wife, ruined his father's career and blames himself for his fathers death.
• *Hugo won a bunch of money with the lottery and his whole world has changed--from him being a fry cook to being an incredibly rich man and this has put too much stress on him, especially since he used to be in a psych ward.
• *Shannon and Boone had an borderline incestuous relationship. Not only that but Shannon was a shallow and narcissistic person. Boone was a mama's boy with a crush on his step sister.
• * Sawyer is a con man who's killed a man because he can't come to grips with the wrongs done to his mother and father by another con man. Years of using people have deeply scared him.
• *Sun had an affair with another man and is carrying his baby, grew up under a domineering father, and lost the man she married to the father she resents. (The baby part is a mini-prediction)
• *Jin resented his father's social status in life but now resents the position he holds for Sun's father; also, I think he knew his wife was cheating on him and the death of Jae (Sun's lover) pushed him over the edge.
• *Kate has almost as much baggage as Jack: Killed her biological father, robbed banks, killed her partner, on the lamb from the law, no hope of redemption, etc.
• *Charlie lost his life to dope, lost his brother by his side, lost his career which he feels he never really gained appropriate credit for, and lost a girl that he really did love because of his buddy and the dope.
• *John Locke is another real prize winner--lost his father, found his father, had his father steal his kidney, lost his fiancee, has no respect at work, lost his new "hippy" commune family, lost the use of his legs. This guy has issues.
• *Michael lost his son early in his son's life because his wife left him for a better job and another man. Having never fully recovered from that, he's been stagnant and lost.

(There are newer characters that I've not included in this list because at some point, new characters might either be plants or they might be new patients. I'm fairly sure that some of the "others" are doctors or scientists there to help the above work through their issues and some of the others are control personnel.)

3. Boone and Shannon didn't die. They worked through their issues, found the peace that they needed to find and were withdrawn from the therapy: Shannon got over her narcissism and Boone got over his obsession with his sister and his dependence on his mother.

4. The island is equipped with controls to keep the patients in the proper observation areas. The "monster" is smoke and noise and violence... what logical real life explanation could this be? I propose that there are none--because this isn't real. It's a control device used to keep the patients from straying out of bounds.

5. Rousso is also a doctor and was the original control device until the patient group refused to be frightened into complacency by her stories of the whispers and the monster. She's only present when she's needed to shift the mentality of the group, from the maps to stealing the baby, to "introducing" Henry Gale to the group.

6. The Polar bear also fits into this "unbelievable" model. A polar bear would die from heat exhaustion on a tropical island. The amount of effort it would take to hunt food would be too much. But a polar bear is big and scary and would be something used to scare people into running away until Sawyer shot and killed one, so the scientists had to up the ante with the Monster and the Others.

7. The Hatch was another control method--used to occupy the patients while they worked through their issues, until Locke started rejecting the control because it didn't meet up with his expectations of his destiny. Desmond is a scientist and he set up the control for everyone to believe in. But then he just magically disappears because he owns a boat? That is until Locke starts rejecting the control, so then Desmond reappears to talk Locke out of it. But he can't; but at the same time Locke can't die or his therapy would have to start over---which is why there was the magic key--a get out of death free card. But while some fans are very happy that Locke is back to being the jungle man, I believe that scientists and doctors are upset because this is a step backward for him. That's why they sent Boone back in to help him find his way back toward recovery again.

8. Another hard to explain situation about LOST is the perceived time gaps and lapses. This is easily explained when you put the whole package into a group "Matrix-style" shared experience. It would be very difficult for the scientists to program out every second of every day; why not just cut out some of the unimportant parts?

9. Why an underwater hatch? Because the doctors needed to put Jack in a situation where he knew he couldn't escape in order to start breaking him down. Having worked on Submarines as a mechanical engineer for a number of years, I can tell you that metal and seawater are at constant war. IF that hatch was really underwater for the length of time they are presenting, then it would be leaking like crazy or just not there at all.

10. This theory also helps explain Jacks sighting of his father on the island, his sighting of the little girl in the corner of his cell, etc. It explains why food falls out of the sky (so the patients wouldn't spend so much time worrying about dieing), it would explain why every time this group tries to get off the island they are repelled back, and why the others know so absolutely much about each of these people. It explains why they have Television footage of the world series. It explains why everyone heals so rapidly from their wounds and why no one ever seems to need to shave or get their hair cut.

The more I think through this theory, the less time I spend wondering if it's correct, and the more I spend wondering who is a patient and who is a control or doctor. My prediction--the next "patient" to die on the island will be the next one to work through their original issues--and I'm predicting Claire, Jin, or Sun. I hope I haven't bored you too much with this theory, I know it's long winded, but I think it's pretty solid. Let me know what you think; enjoy the show.

Jason

Oh, by the way, the one scene I'm struggling with fitting into this model? Season Two Finale--Desmonds woman gets a phone call from some people sitting in an artic listening post. That one doesn't make sense to me yet.

One Weekend Closer to Home

And boy can I feel it! It seems like every time I say I'm going to stay home for awhile and lay off the travel a career opportunity pops up that I can't pass on and takes me away. This has been a VERY good career opportunity; perhaps one with big life changes in the near future. But right now my one and only concern is getting home to my wife and home. Of course, there's plenty of other concerns like our trip to Texas and Oklahoma coming up next month. And there's the house to deal with and all the associated goodness with that. But home is much needed.

This weekend I went back to the National Portrait Gallery and finished out what I had missed my previous trip. It was a good afternoon and I enjoyed getting out of the apartment. Of course, I didn some nesting too. I finished Medal Of Honor 2 on the Xbox 360 and am now working on finishing Kameo. These are video games, for those not in the know.

Anyway, not a lot to say, but I've been noticing that none of my buddies are updating their blogs with any regularity and I was just as guilty, so I thought I better get something out there.

Later.

Ostracized

You ever get the feeling that people are intentionally not talking to you? Maybe it's just me being alone over here on the east coast.

Maybe.

Anyway, on to airplanes. I understand that there are certain reasons that specific things need to happen on airplanes. Like a seatbelt, for instance. If you've ever seen the first season of Lost, there was this great scene shown over and over of a plane crash, and you could really tell who was wearing a seatbelt and who wasn't.
I would even go so far as to understand why you have your tray tables and seatbacks locked and in their upright positions. No one wants to eat a face full of upholstery or Formica in the event of an ugly landing. These things are very unlikely to happen, but it makes sense that we do them if you really strain your brain.

Then there are those other commands that you have no choice but to obey because they're all caveated with FAA REGULATIONS REQUIRE, like we all carry around a copy of the aforementioned to verify whether they're pulling our leg or not, and even if they're completely making it up, those same regs say you have to obey the "flight attendants" commands, regardless of sanity. And what ever happened to stewards/esses? The reality of the situation is that soda and a snack is the primary reason that planes are staffed. Oh sure, you hear the smartly modified announcements: "Flight attendants primary functions are to ensure your safety", like they're whipping out an Allen wrench to tighten up the rivets along the superstructure; like even one percent of these attendants are flight qualified in the event that both captain and co-pilot were incapacitated; like one of these four or so underpaid attendants is going to plunge into a carotid artery in case of a rupture.

The whole thing is a placebo. It's the illusion of some critical element that really isn't doing anything.

The pre-flight safety brief? Placebo. If you don't know how to buckle the safety belt that's God's way of thinning the herd.

In the event of a water landing your seat cushion... Placebo: they won't do anything because an airplane has fallen from out of the sky where it was previously cruising along at 500 miles per house at 40,000 feet and it just collided with the water, which resulted in a rather sudden stop.

Oxygen masks will drop from the over head; the bags may not inflate but you will still receive oxygen... placebo, and not necessarily true; unbeknownst to most people, these non-pressurized supplemental systems don't have enough pressure to provide any oxygen to your bloodstream above about 28,000 feet. Don't believe me? Check out this ABC News article. It's not pretty: most people blackout over 15000 feet altitude. If there is pressure loss at 39K feet, you have about 9 seconds to don your mask before you black out... which you will still do even if you get it on in time, because it'll take the pilot about 90 seconds to get you below 28 thousand feet where your safety cones will start giving you the oxygen you need. Is it important to get the mask on? Yes... will it save your life? Maybe; but it's still a placebo.

So what's up with these other not so sensible requirements? Say for instance you want to have your window shade closed during landing because the sun is cooking you. Nope, sorry: FAA REGULATIONS REQUIRE... Why? What possible impact will a closed window shade have on the pilot (unless of course it's his window shade.)? How about the reg that says you can't have headphones on, even if they're not plugged into anything? And really, what's wrong with an electronic device that doesn't transmit, like say an MP3 player? FAA REGULATIONS REQUIRE...
I guess it could be that I'm just overly sensitive because I travel a lot. Maybe.